The Shadow
Today I'll talk about probably the most important aspect of spirituality--the shadow.
Along with all the wonderful joys of the spiritual journey, we also have a shadow that follows right behind, tricking, sabotaging, undermining our every step. I strongly feel that understanding the shadow is key to spiritual growth, more than anything else we learn.
So what is this shadow? Denied aspects of ourselves. Could be jealousy, or lust, or exhaustion, or desire, or passion, or greed, or self-centeredness. It includes underdeveloped qualities -- maybe we aren't as intelligent as we'd like to be, or attractive, or secure, or developed, or disciplined, or eloquent, or simply good. Whatever -- if we are hiding or denying who we are, in some way, we create a shadow. (As a note, shadows can be positive traits too, but I'll deal with these "golden shadows" in later posts.)
On a spiritual path, shadows are usually created when we take what's called a "holy" path - a very bad idea! Here are different things someone on a "holy" path might say:
-"Aahh the spiritual path is just so good...the insights, the joys, the bliss, positive experiences, continuous improvement, and purity of mind are amaazing. Life is just wonderful, always a gift."
-"I will meditate and pray even more, do even more good deeds, be extra kind to my neighbors, love everyone around me. Try even harder -- 110%. Always."
-"I am doing the right thing in life. I would never even consider stealing, lying, cheating, or having sex. People who do these things are immoral and reprehensible. I actually need to teach others a thing or two, I really know that they are messed up and must be helped."
-"I am always happy and joyous...but there is a little something about myself that is bothering me that I can't put my finger on."
Well THAT little something is a shadow, and is NOT that little at all. And the more "holy" our path, the stronger our shadow can become. Eventually, it can get suffocated off and disowned to the extent we don't even know we have a shadow...except that we crash and burn time and time again, and do things progressively more deviant and harmful to others without even realizing.
Shadows are tricky, because they are invisible by definition. I know many trained psychologists and spiritual seekers completely oblivious to their own shadows (including I know myself). The best way to recognize them is by noticing what upsets us in other people. These are 95% of the time reflections of our own shadow. I'll be talking about the shadow quite a bit in my blog, and how I am learning to recognize and acknolwedge them. It's funny that the world around us is one big hall of mirrors...the realizations sometimes are so profound and hilarious.
So then, what is the spiritual path about anyway? Well, the spiritual path ultimately isn't about being good or holy, but it isn't about being bad or evil either. The path is about finding what's genuine within ourselves. And by tuning into what is genuine within ourselves, we can get closer to God. And that's the conclusion I'm coming to, after a lifetime of shadow fighting.
Next post, I'll start sharing some anecdotes (may the stories begin)!